Hello! My name is Majda and I am 20 years old. I suffer from dermatillomania for 11 years now. One year ago, I tried to convince my mum that I was not hurting myself on purpose and I wanted to find a proof online. Instead, I found out about people having dermatillomania and could identify with this condition.
I have picked my skin for hours in front of mirrors or subconsciously. It has always been a part of me. I tried to hide the wounds and scars for years because I was so ashamed of how my skin looked. At the age of 11 would not go out of the house without makeup and I would never wear tops because I wanted to hide my shoulders.
I do pick at my face, my scalp, my shoulders, arms and other parts of the body. My friends never knew about the severity of dermatillomania, how it affects my thoughts and my life. They don’t know how ashamed I feel and that all the excuses I came up with were related to dermatillomania. Everyone thinks that I am a strong person, that I am always optimistic and smiling. I am not. Although I know, that I am perfect the way I am, the battle with dermatillomania is exhausting and never ending.
I try to concentrate on my Tangle when I am feeling the urge to pick, but it does not always help. I asked myself 100 questions about my dermatillomania and tried to be honest to myself in order to define my triggers and my anxieties. I did open up and got into contact with other sufferers although there is nearly no awareness for BFRBs in Germany! We only have one support group online where I began to write a lot about my struggles and where actually got to know a girl which I met in real life. It was so exciting to finally meet somebody who understands the urges and the reasons why it is so hard to “just” stop it.
It feels like every sufferer from dermatillomania is closer to me than some of my best friends, because they truly understand what I am feeling deep inside me. I will never give up the battle against my dermatillomania, because there are times where I almost forget about it, where I can enjoy my life and feel beautiful. These moments are rare, but I look forward to all the positive things, that will happen in my life.
I know that I am not alone and I am grateful that there are so many people around the world, spreading awareness for BFRB. I was so excited when I read the book Project Dermatillomania: The Stories Behind Our Scars composed by Laura Barton, because there where so many different stories I actually could identify with. It was a relief to give this book to some close friends telling them that they would understand me better after reading this book. Thank you Laura Barton!
Majda’s Blog: www.hautbewusst.weebly.com
In her blog “Hautbewusst,” “skin awareness”, she writes articles about various things in her life. Positive and encouraging thoughts as well as the dark side of dermatillomania. She does want to write in English one day, but all articles currently are in German, for which she apologizes!