We hate the words “just stop” because we know that if it were that easy we would do it. We know that if it were a simple matter of choice or effort that we wouldn’t be in the messes that we sometimes are. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t put ourselves through the shame, embarrassment, fear and anxiety.
Yet when it comes to trying to stop or reduce our behaviours, we become discouraged and upset when our sheer willpower doesn’t work. We might use the term “weak” to describe ourselves and generally feel a sense of failure.
When we do this, aren’t we really just getting upset with ourselves for not being able to “just stop”? Why do we get mad at others for this, but when we say it to ourselves, we don’t blink an eye?
We might be saying it to ourselves in different words, but when we call ourselves “weak,” we’re saying it because we can’t control our BFRBs. It’s the same thing.
We need to stop saying these things to ourselves because they are not getting us anywhere. And, more importantly, they just aren’t true and only make us feel horrible.
We are not weak, we have disorders and when we have trouble stopping or controlling them, that is not our fault. We are not weak.
When we fall down, it is not a failure. It is just a bump along the way and we can keep trying and keep pushing forward. We can keep working toward a solution—whether that means stopping or managing or whatever it is that works for us to make our situations better.
No matter how many times we fall, we are not weak. No matter how many times our hands seem to have a mind of their own, we are not weak. No matter how many different methods that we’ve tried that haven’t quite worked, we are not weak. No matter how many times we have to go back to day one, we are not weak.
Don’t be telling yourself “just stop” when you would hate for others to do it.