by Morgan
Content warning: This guest blog has mentions of self harm and overdose and implied mention of suicide.
I started scratching (my preferred term) as early as first grade. My parents didn’t know how to cope with my scratching, therefore they yelled, screamed, pleaded, punished, took things away, begged, and more for me to stop.
My scratching had good days and bad days.
Fast forward…
Seventh/eighth grade year, I started to go see a psychologist. After some time, she then asked if the next session could be on CBT. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I said we could try it; of course at that time I wasn’t 100% on board. I did some research and found that my scratching had a name. The name that matched all my symptoms was Dermatillomania.
Then freshman year of highschool started. I was in Honors Algebra I, and Honors English I. Along with being in marching band, it felt like I could never get a break. I felt like I was always at school because of marching band (ranked 2 best in the state). The workload just overpowered me. Then the worst thing could possibly happen: I got called in to the guidance counselors office. There were a bunch of people I didn’t know; they asked about my scratching. At that point I just broke. I cried in front of a lot of administrators. It was a complete disaster.
From there, it was all downhill. I felt alone and isolated. They had no support groups, no one would understand fully, I have been bullied all these years. I felt like if I died, it would be better for me, but not better for the people around me. It also wouldn’t solve anything either. So then I pleaded to go to the mental hospital to get help for Dermatillomania. Nobody would listen! So I felt I had no choice but to cut myself with a knife. (I regret it still to this day.)
I spent a week in the mental hospital because of me cutting myself, not for getting help for derm. They also think I overdosed on my meds, which was really not helpful but in other ways was helpful.
For the next two years, I was skittish, vulnerable, and closed every one out. I had some friends, but I didn’t go out, I didn’t go to church, and became a hermit.
Present day…
I am currently taking medication. I have a social life, and I am currently trying to give back and raise awareness for Dermatillomania to prevent this from happening to other young people.
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You can find Morgan on Instagram with the handle Hope.For.Derm
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